tried Mrs. Reagan's Just Say No catchall when it entered public domain
awhile ago; such deceptively bold initiative seemed a miracle cure for
my lack of decisiveness. I wanted to bear witness.
Not wishing to wait for the overtures of a dealer, I decided instead
to seek one out. Finding Bryant Park was easy enough, and upon sidling
up to the first shady character who presented himself it happened: "Sensimilla,
coke," he offered shadily.
With visions of a proud First Lady backing me up, and heady with conviction,
I decided to go Nancy one better: "Fuck YOU," I said, not
too nastily it was hoped. I was making a point, not trying to hurt his
To my surprise he bared his teeth and threatened to "Cut you bad"
as he put it. Not forgetting my manners, I thoughtfully edged backwards,
navigating the block with a smile and a wave. He didn't wave back.
I blame my failure on a certain lack of communication, but don't wish
to abandon the JSN concept entirely. Nor does that powerful word belong
solely on the lips and in the hearts of the herds of impressionable
youth roaming our country. Everybody can benefit, or past-tense, could've
if they had listened.
Some of the following examples tend to emphasize the importance of getting
a receipt with your advice, especially when dealing with family.
Mr. Reagan, Iran, Nicaragua,
and other places TWA doesn't fly
Bantam publishing gulped up half the Pacific Northwest putting out the
Tower Commission Report. This sacrifice needn't have been. One assumes
that the president could've JSN'd his advisors and spared the public
the anguish of having to swallow what they've already eaten and digested:
that Ron's a little foggy on particulars in general. And Lt. Colonels
Reykjavik, which is cold, hard to pronounce,
and gone but not forgotten
The president, give him his due, did utter the magic word here.
Regan: there but for the absence of an 'a' go I
An unfair fight, as it wouldn've been impolite to throw the First Lady's
words back at her when they quarrelled, quarrel covered by Time magazine
Just desserts and the political shelf-life of Tutti Fruitti
If a majority of voters had said Nyet at the polls 6 years ago...
The 65mph speed limit, which may
once again be coming to a state near you
A kind of 21st amendment in its own right, and a recent example of enough
people saying Nope to a law to make it not so anymore.
The pope's views on science and contraception,
and other items which don't come as a surprise
The mothering instinct is stronger than the technicality of infertility.
Every No to the church's doctrine will need diapers.
Prophylactics in commercials,
or, the medium is the message
In a line-up of plots urging "Yes, yes," at every turn of
the channel, it was refreshing for TV executives to hold out as long
as they did against condom ads. I move that they abolish those self-serving
Alcoholics Anonymous and "Careful with the drinking" spots
as well: they undermine those great beer commercials.
Urinalysis, or, what not to do at a party
when the hostess is looking
It follows that if everybody Just Said No about what they're supposed
to be saying no about in the first place, there wouldn't be a call for
delving into such matters. We could all go on to other mottos, such
as Just Be Good and Just Agree.
Bowling Green News, April 1987