Category Archives: Abridged blog

Green tongue

When V delicious came to Olympia, the gods decreed it a greens zone suitable for foraging.

The chatty confessions started almost immediately: “My name is Karen and I’m not a vegetarian. But I heard there was free food…”

No, food.

Sausages! That’s more like it. So, what’s the secret ingredient?

The secret ingredient is love? How sweet. Love and methyl cellulose.

The toothpicks were edible, too. And hygenic.

The helmet was for diving head first into the crowds.

Buskers were allowed as long as they were organic.

Workshops were available on how to make money from stretching.

There was brisk business from those who couldn’t afford myrrh.

Passive exercising is a real growth industry.

Admitting gluten intolerance proved joyfully cathartic for some, shaming for others.

Taking orders for personal hovercraft.

Research shows you can eat more in bed if you have a lap.

They have healing powers, but as a side effect they make you feel old.

What the vegan police wear when they walk their beat.

The Corrupt Sweet Potato, the stall across the way, was proving a bigger draw.

It was tacitly understood the judges could be swayed by a little extra frosting.

Too many burnt tongues.

Massage was available to those who could prove need.

VIPs got allotments.

More popular than the lima variety.

It’s not easy being green, as this once bountiful salad shriveled by an omnivorous public’s hostility shows.

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Year of the gored ox

The following has been crossposted as a public service to Generation Y, to help them more fully appreciate the decade which preceded their zygotehood.

Ah, 1973.
Richard Nixon is inaugurated for his second term.
The Paris Peace Accords are signed.
Ohio becomes the first US state to post distance in metric on signs. (How’s that going, Ohio?)

Pink Floyd, not satisfied that they have exhausted their creative potential with Bike, releases The Dark Side of the Moon.
The Godfather wins the best picture Oscar.

Picasso dies.
Pioneer 10 sends back the first close-up images of Jupiter.
Former White House aide Alexander Butterfield spills the beans about the president’s greatest hits collection on tape. As Watergate starts simmering, Nixon tells a pack of Associated Press editors “I am not a crook.”
O.J. Simpson becomes the first running back to rush for 2,000 yards in a pro football season; he will offer a similar plea some years later.

Elvis Presley’s concert Aloha From Hawaii is watched by more people via telecast than tuned into the moon landings. He wears the same suit that Buzz Aldrin wore.
Elizabeth II opens London Bridge III.
IDEAL Toys debuts the Evel Knievel stunt-cycle, a best seller.

Billie Jean King defeats Bobby Riggs in the battle of the sexes.
Wyoming (official nickname: ‘The Equality State’; unofficial nickname: ‘The most perfectly rectangular state after Colorado’) becomes the first state of the union of the year to ratify the ultimately unsuccessful Equal Rights Amendment.
Papua New Guinea gives Australia the finger.

thefinger it’s on their flag

OPEC doubles the price of crude oil.
The Supremes decide in Roe v. Wade that privacy extends to the womb until the little blighter is feeling viable.
The Young and the Restless debuts on CBS. In Belgium Les Feux de l’Amour runs 3 years behind, so no spoilers please.
The existence of a 18½-minute gap is revealed in The Dark Side of the Moon.
The Soviet Mars 5 space probe is launched; discovers life on Mars.
The DEA is founded.

Tiny Tim goes a-wandering to a bike shop.

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Getting to Grips with Punctuation and Grammar
Faux pas no more. Apostrophes, hyphens, nouns, things that are subjunctive – it’s all here. Make yourself understood just as well as the greats of literature. Learn to recognise when spelling counts and when it doesn’t (more often than you might think!). Discover helpful mnemonic tricks for difficult-to-remember words for when it’s better to be safe than sorry. Particularly useful is a section on Googling for common usages, and grammar by consensus. There’s even a chapter on split infinitives hilariously interrupted by a digression into adverbial syntactic functions. Ends much too soon.

more book reviews

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TWES 18 years ago today


528 years ago King Henry VII of England was crowned. He had just one wife, the rather well connected Elizabeth of York. Oct 30 was also auspicious for Helena of Montana in 1864; John Logie Baird, who created Britain’s first television transmitter in 1925; Orson Welles, known for having no wine before its time and for broadcasting the Martian invasion in 1938


and birthday girl/actor Juliet Stevenson, who I first saw weeping copiously in Truly, Madly, Deeply.

In 1995 my wife and I arrived in England thanks to her Training and Work Experience visa [TWES], good for a year. It was extended for another. We managed to parlay that into a more useful piece of paper.

Apparently this weekend we’re celebrating by buying a new refrigerator.


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Dirty Qwerty



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It’s difficult coming up with a Keep Calm poster which hasn’t already been imagined. As it is, you won’t ever know if you’ve succeeded because it’s theoretically possible somebody may be churning these out for private amusement but not uploading them, making it impossible to ever rest easy.

Here are my contributions. The first is for damsels in distress, the second is NSFW (especially if you work on Wall Street) or at least delicate sensibilities, the third is dedicated to the NRA, and the last is for Sopranos fans:

or how about
Keep Calm It’s Not a Black Hoooooooooooo
as long as we’re on the subject Keep Calm It’s Only Entropy
Keep Calm Haiku is Never The Answer
Keep Calm, i Before e Except After c (not always)
Keep Calm and Pay Your BBC Licence Fee
Keep Calm and Sacrifice Your Son, Abraham

Just because one generation has been hollowly memed out doesn’t mean the next generation, which should be along any minute now, can’t carry on.


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