You can take Twitter
too seriously. I know I do. WTF?!? Why did this person stop following
me?! I often rail to my wife, who rolls her eyes then carries on
preparing homemade bombs to hurl at my enemies, which are legion.
I've posted about Twitter before on my cult blog here
and way back in 2013 at the dawn of my Twitter grouchiness here.
In exactly 140 characters: "Fun, but ultimately useless to those
of us who don't have enough followers to take over the world, or at
least bend it to our will unawares."
It's so difficult to source quality followers. Any vetting procedure
must be delayed until I have a suitably large pool of applicants to
vet. Meanwhile I'm left with those peeps of taste and discernment who
have already discovered @jollygoodthen.
Typically I wait until I am followed before I follow. While some may
see this as monstrously self-serving, others will recognise it for what
it is: the modus operandi of someone who's been burned too many times.
Official advice is to follow without restraint, not worry about who's
following you. To the big bird in charge I say F8ck that, 8
being lowercase for *. My chagrin does not reach the upper registers.
Now we come
to the Twits. Twits are peeps who have followed then unfollowed me,
which for some reason is still allowed despite my urgent faxed advice
to the head office. (I've also contacted them about the plague of plagiarism
that is "retweeting".) While I do not take it personally,
it is an obvious besmirchment on my personhood which lacks legal remedy
but must be addressed for the sake of my heirs.
It does not happen often, possibly because so few actually pay attention
to what I get up to. When they do, reprisals can be swift and merciless.
for example, resulted in the loss of 2 followers that I'm aware of;
perhaps many tens of thousands more chose not to fall into line in the
first place because of it. The near decimation hurt, but then so does
ripping the bandage off a wound that has healed.
I'm not much of a name-caller: "Twits" does not come naturally.
However, it does seem to be in keeping with the nomenclature, so Twits
it will be. My karma consultant also advises that it's A-OK.