Brexit for Breakfast


Historic vote to leave the EU surprises voters

This morning many British citizens awoke to discover that if enough people vote for something, that side ‘wins’. This quirk of democracy came as a shock to many, including some experts.

“I thought voting was a waste of time,” said William Vague, a distressed jeans distresser who cast his ballot to leave the European Union and unsuccessfully requested that his name not be used for fear of reprisals. “I’m used to voting in things like television reality shows. This has all turned a bit too real for me.”

Another voter caught off guard by the result was Theresa May, a giantess who works in London as a greeter at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.


According to May, since the referendum, the popular tourist attraction has been thronged by visitors eager for souvenirs “before the wall goes up and all foreigners are cast out. The Queen’s leg has been stolen. We’ve temporarily replaced it with a Queen Anne chair leg. We’re doubling security to stop further outrages.”

Jeremy Hacksman of the think tank Pyjamas predicts that repercussions will be felt for generations to come. “Winston Churchill said democracy was the worst form of government, except for all the others. He was half right.”

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