Too many legs

It really works. Conkers deter spiders. Scientists don’t know why. Perhaps they overlooked the obvious:

Why would I want to discourage spiders, when they do good works like kill flies (sorry flies) and minor DIY (they’re very fast painters) along the baseboards? Don’t ask me, ask my amygdala, which is that part of the brain which controls fear responses. It doesn’t help that they can grow very big around here. You don’t want to know just how big. Even if you like spiders, it would mentally scar you.

Conkers are known as buckeyes in the States. There is even a buckeye state: Ohio. I’m from Ohio. Therefore I’m known as a buckeye, at least among the cognoscenti. You’d think that would give my corporeal self special spider-repelling powers, but it doesn’t work that way.

There must be millions of spiders in the fields which surround our house, held at bay since we fortified the perimeter last year.

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