{"id":5788,"date":"2016-12-02T19:29:24","date_gmt":"2016-12-02T19:29:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/?p=5788"},"modified":"2019-03-12T20:01:29","modified_gmt":"2019-03-12T20:01:29","slug":"109","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/?p=5788","title":{"rendered":"109"},"content":{"rendered":"

[Approaches podium, Hi my name is Sam and I’m a sugar addict<\/a>, <\/em>etc.]<\/p>\n

Well, I knew the day would come. I even cold-bloodedly planned for it in various fantasies, most lately involving peanut-butter fudge<\/a>.<\/p>\n

To take my mind off the impending crisis I went shopping yesterday. I saw many wondrous things, including designer jeans at an early stage of de-evolution<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nFor \u00a3240 I\u2019ll be happy to tear you a new\u00a0one<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"
\nCreative writing majors have to make a living\u00a0too<\/em><\/p>\n

and a jacket so hideous it was surely destined for the emperor\u2019s new closet.<\/p>\n

\"\"
\n\u201cWe have a pair of jeans that would go nicely with\u00a0this.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

More to the point, I saw things like candy corn with sorbitol, and brownies with pure goodness, and dusty triple-decker fudge at the Winter Wonderland<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nSanta throws himself in front of what is presumably a good girl to save her from a ravenous\u00a0beast<\/em><\/p>\n

These things I did not buy. What I bought were mince pies for my wife, who treasures them but only if they do not contain glucose-fructose syrup, aka high fructose corn syrup or close enough. GFS-free pies now seem rarer than hen\u2019s teeth.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nMmmmm, teeth. Perhaps the dental hygienist can remove those unsightly stock image agency watermarks<\/em><\/p>\n

From Wholefoods to home on the train I alternately watched bad sf on my smartyphone, napped fitfully (\u201cToday is a good day to diet\u201d Star Trek addicts meet in the hall on Wednesdays), and dreamt delicious dreams.<\/p>\n

After 109 days\u2014satisfyingly over 100, otherwise clunky\u2014it felt time to take the next step: normalcy. [Note to self: this is not normal<\/a>.] I may be able to survive without sugar, but I cannot thrive. Long lingering looks at forbidden fruit are enervating. Too much hydration is wasted on saliva.<\/p>\n

I had a Roots & Wings organic mini mince pie. \u201c10% of profits donated to childrens charities\u201d says the box, but I wasn\u2019t thinking of the children.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nApproximately to scale<\/em><\/p>\n

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.<\/p>\n

[Walks out a free man.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Approaches podium, Hi my name is Sam and I’m a sugar addict, etc.] Well, I knew the day would come. I even cold-bloodedly planned for it in various fantasies, most lately involving peanut-butter fudge. To take my mind off the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5788"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5788"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5788\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7528,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5788\/revisions\/7528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5788"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5788"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}