{"id":7663,"date":"2018-01-09T08:10:50","date_gmt":"2018-01-09T08:10:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/?p=7663"},"modified":"2019-07-27T08:36:31","modified_gmt":"2019-07-27T07:36:31","slug":"leporidae-domesticus-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/?p=7663","title":{"rendered":"Leporidae domesticus"},"content":{"rendered":"

A house rabbit primer, in case you missed <\/em>the first one<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Raise your hand if you\u2019ve got a dog. That\u2019s a lot of hands! Cat lovers? Not as many, but still a strong show of support for an animal that likely regards you<\/strong> as the pet, if a moderately useful one. What do you do if you don\u2019t fancy a dog or a cat, but have an opening in your home and your heart for something both great and small?<\/p>\n

That might still describe a fair number of creatures. Only one has this resume: Led Alice into Wonderland and John Updike into Pulitzerland. Assisted countless magicians. Outsmarted Elmer Fudd time and again. Established Glenn Close\u2019s credentials as a villain. Got reception for your TV if you lived in the olden days.<\/p>\n

Yes, it\u2019s\u2014drumroll powered by Energizer <\/em>batteries<\/em><\/a>\u2014the bunny rabbit, so good they named it twice. There\u2019s one snoozing behind the couch as I type these words.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nat least before the shutterbug arrived<\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s right, he doesn\u2019t live outside in a hutch, he\u2019s in the house, where we can keep an eye on him and he on us.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s got a litter tray, just like a cat, only his is half filled with hay; rabbits spend so much time eating they don\u2019t like to waste time hopping to the bathroom. The hay is to keep his ever-growing teeth in check and his belly happy and healthy. We buy it by the bale from a farmer.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nreserve yours now
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Occasionally I stop and consider the curious picture of him chomping contentedly away not three feet from my desk. Or that I have become, in the parlance of the initiate, a bunny slave. (Google tells me I am not alone.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nconfirmation<\/em><\/p>\n

Because make no mistake: Once there is a rabbit in the house, you will be doing his bidding.<\/p>\n

Leporidae are, hands down, the best beggars in the animal kingdom. Show me somebody who can ignore those innocent soulful eyes, those ever-so-politely folded paws as he adorably balances on his hind legs, and I\u2019ll show you, well, a Glenn Close.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nsometimes uses a paw rest<\/em><\/p>\n

Ours frequently begs for new, fresher hay, disdaining the 10-minute-old pile already in his tray. And bell peppers, chopped into bite-sized pieces? Like crack cocaine.<\/p>\n

He demands grooming by prostrating himself, front paws splayed out, rump in the air. Stroke up this furry ramp or down it, both work for him. Your reward for a job well done will be what\u2019s known as a tooth-purr: he softly grinds his teeth, jaw working sideways. It\u2019s an oddly satisfying display of bliss.<\/p>\n

Although we live to serve him, I think he generally regards people as his equal. We\u2019re just large and rather funny-looking rabbits\/companions who don\u2019t happen to leap gracefully onto windowsills. He won\u2019t take orders, yet isn\u2019t aloof, so he\u2019s between the canine and feline poles when it comes to interspecies relations.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nprobably less unhelpful than a cat with the laundry<\/em><\/p>\n

He does like to nudge us to say \u201cHi,\u201d or \u201cPardon me, you\u2019re in the way, please move,\u201d or \u201cNice to see you, but I\u2019m just passing through.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Rabbits are crepuscular, meaning they\u2019re most active at dawn and dusk. From time to time, without notice, he\u2019ll carefully map out a circuit then launch into a furious race against himself. This is known as the Bunny 500.<\/p>\n

He hates being picked up, as his instincts tell him being lifted from the ground won\u2019t end well. He\u2019s terrified of birds of prey spotted outside the window, and not too fond of low-flying airplanes, either. His constantly retuning ears don\u2019t miss much.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, his sense of self-preservation doesn\u2019t extend to refraining from nibbling electrical cords (\u201cWhat delicious looking roots!\u201d), so they have all been tucked out of harm\u2019s way to short circuit that fatal attraction.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

He has chosen one vocalization to encompass everything he has to say to us: \u201cMm-mm-mm.\u201d We have translated this variously as \u201cHere I am!\u201d, \u201cI\u2019m happy!\u201d, \u201cFeed me again!\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s going on and why wasn\u2019t I informed?\u201d\u2014or, as the original wascally wabbit succinctly put it, \u201cWhat\u2019s up, Doc?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nWho needs\u00a0Netflix<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

The bunny slave is healthier for it. More greens now make their way into our shopping cart. \u201cHow do you prepare that pak choi?\u201d a woman once asked my wife in the veggie aisle. \u201cIt\u2019s for my rabbit,\u201d she said. Wash it and let him at it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s literally impossible to think of him and not smile.<\/p>\n

T.S. Eliot famously wrote that cats have three different names. Rabbits aren\u2019t to be outdone:<\/p>\n

He\u2019s Oreo, which for obvious reasons is a common choice for those of the Dutch breed. I have fond memories of the eponymous cookie as a child. I also like to imagine it sounds like a Greek god.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s Chompsky, spelled almost but not quite like the social critic, linguist and writer, because he\u2019s a chomping champ who likes a good book.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nalso likes\u00a0<\/em>fiction<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

And his secret name? \u201cMm-mm-mm.\u201d Which is clearly his way of saying \u201cSorry, that\u2019s classified.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

More bunnyage here<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A house rabbit primer, in case you missed the first one. Raise your hand if you\u2019ve got a dog. That\u2019s a lot of hands! Cat lovers? Not as many, but still a strong show of support for an animal that … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7663"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7663"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7663\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8610,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7663\/revisions\/8610"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7663"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7663"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/prettygoodbritain.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7663"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}