There is a finite amount of printable space given over to writers, even on the web. (Personal blogs picked over by ’bots don’t count in the totals.) Most of it is taken up by hacks, but you already knew that. The trick is wedging yourself through the transom of a reputable firm. Or to paraphrase Linda Fiorentino in The Last Seduction, “Who do I have to suck around here to get some column inches?”

Possibilities:

The editor. Editors largely delegate, then take the rest of the afternoon off to be serviced by interns. Don’t waste your time.

Managing editor. More actual work is done by managing editors, but they are so busy doing what the editor should be doing and attempting to fill space with anything that a) isn’t libel, b) is preferably free – rehashed press releases are a godsend, c) doesn’t offend advertisers or the publisher, d) is written by somebody who has written for them before, and e) has been sent in by a friend or relative or both (your fevered suspicions were correct!), that there’s precious little room for little old you.

Staff writer. Didn’t get to be staff writer without stepping over the bodies of other writers. Why do you think every publication has a morgue?

Copy editor. Has no power, other than over words, and even this is debatable as words can be slippery devils. Not in a position to help unless you break through, at which point it would be wise to at least scratch that hard to reach place.

Intern. When they’re not busy servicing the editor, interns are (not) paid to haul unsolicited manuscripts to the recycling bin, so your story may end up in print after all.