SCOURGE RETURNS
Better dead than red?
Medical authorities have issued a public health warning for red nose day.
“It’s not funny. Not funny at all,” according to British Medical Association spokesperson Reginald Nosegay. “Symptoms are too gruesome to relate, but you’ll know it when you see it. It isn’t lethal. Unfortunately some people just wish they were dead. At least for the day.”
The chief non-physical manifestation is a mania which can be trying for those not afflicted. This is difficult to avoid, as even the BBC is a known contagion. The BMA warns that if you must watch TV, to do so with your clicker at the ready.
The day the laughter died
Mobile units will be dispatched for outbreaks of passive aggressiveness. “The silliness can be enforced; it’s a bully’s paradise,” according to Nosegay. “This happens every two years. We’re prepared.”
The BMA is attempting to convince the public of the seriousness of red nose day with the launch of its own campaign, Stop Bully Clowns (Stop Bully Clwns in Wales). Funds collected are used to finance the search for a cure. Comedians are reported to already be lining up to help promote the cause.